If Only Someone Had
by jryu0620
Summary: Edward Masen has been bullied since he was in fifth grade. It is now the end of 7th grade and there is a rumor going around that he is gay. On the last day of school he bumps into his long time crush, Bella Swan. This is story is dedicated to the Halligans and to anyone that lost someone to or has thought about suicide or has been bullied. It is BASED on Ryan's story. OOC
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N)**

**On January 9, 2013, a month before this story was first posted, a man by the name of Mr. John Halligan came to my middle school to give a presentation. He told us about his son, Ryan Patrick Halligan. Ryan was thirteen years old (in eighth grade) when he committed suicide. On October 7, 2003 he decided to take his own life. After his death it was revealed that Ryan was bullied and ridiculed severely at school and online. **

**This is a story written in dedication to the Halligans, their son, and to anyone that has lost someone to suicide or has thought about suicide or has been bullied.**

** This _is not_ exactly Ryan's story. It is_ based_ off of it. In other words, I do not have photographic memory so I don't remember everything that Mr. Halligan said. It is not exactly how things happened. **

**NO ONE DIES in this story!**

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**********Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT! OR THE CHARACTERS! Stephenie Meyer does and I AM NOT STEPHENIE MEYER!**

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Chp 1: The Last Day

EPOV

I looked out the window at the bane of my existence. The place I hated more than anywhere else in the world.

School.

I had begun to seriously hate school when I was in fifth grade and I didn't like it any more now. My only relief was that school would be over in just a few hours and I wouldn't have to talk to any of the kids here face-to-face until next year.

Today was the last day of school.

"Bye dad," I said as I got out of the car. My dad smiled at me and waved before he drove away towards his office. He was a lawyer and my mother stayed at home. My parents, Elizabeth and Edward Masen, had always told me to just ignore the bullies.

That had never worked and it still didn't.

I wasn't ever very good at academics. I wasn't stupid. I had struggled in learning since I was young. I had started speaking later and and walking later than most kids normally did. I had taken special education classes since I had first started school in kindergarten, but I had worked my way out of Special Ed. in the fourth grade. I still struggled regardless.

My parents had taken me to a therapist when I was in fifth grade, when the bullying had started. I looked back and remembered how much I had lied during those therapy sessions, trying to make my parents think that I was fine, that I didn't need it. I felt a twinge of guilt at fooling my parents like that. I pushed it aside and braced myself for another horrible day.

With my backpack over my shoulder, I walked into the school.

"Oh look!" Jacob Black exclaimed, spotting me immediately. I groaned internally. Why couldn't he leave me alone? I had fought him a few months ago in a park. I had gotten a few hits in and the bullying had stopped for a little while. It had been an amazing feeling, not being bullied even if it was only for a little while. But then the rumor had started.

"Hey fag, how are you today?" His friends laughed, as if his insults were the funniest words ever spoken.

This was the latest rumor that was going around. That I was gay. In reality, I wasn't. Every time I went online I was called a fag or gay and guys chatted my saying that they didn't like me or that they "didn't roll that way". Only my friends were supportive of me, trying to cheer me up, saying that none of it was true.

They sounded like my parent and it never helped. Not that I didn't appreciate the attempt.

I kept walking, past him and his group of friends, not looking up to see his tan skin and black hair. It sickened me every time that I saw it.

"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Jacob said, walking towards me.

I ducked my head and sped my pace through the halls, towards my first class. I turned right into another hall, relieved to see the door to my classroom, only a few yards away. I sped my pace further only to bump into someone. I fell to the floor, knocking whoever it was over. My backpack fell to the floor next to me. Whoever I had bumped into had been carrying her books. Books and papers were strewn all across the floor.

"I'm sorry," I muttered in a low voice, picking up the books that were now scattered all over the floor. I looked up briefly at who I had bumped into and froze.

Bella Swan.

She was one of the most popular girls at school and my crush for as long as I could remember. I had one class with her and it was the only one that I looked forward to.

I had never spoken to her.

She wouldn't want to be seen talking to the _loser_, the_ freak_. I thought the words bitterly.

She was the only person that I had never mentioned to my parents. Her long brown hair always fell beautifully down her back. She dressed simply. Fashionable with out being revealing. Today she was wearing a blue blouse, which complemented her skin tone, along with jeans.

"It's alright," she said, in her beautiful voice. A voice that I had only heard from afar and never directly to me. "I'm Bella Swan. You're..." she thought for a moment then hesitantly spoke, "Edward, right?"

My throat seemed to close up and I couldn't speak. She knew who I was. I nodded quickly and looked down at her books and began picking them up with renewed interest, trying to avoid her gaze. I swallowed nervously, embarrassed, as I piled her books neatly. I held them out to her and caught her eyes. I was immediately hypnotized. Her eyes were beautiful, a deep chocolate brown that seemed to reveal every part of her soul.

"Thanks," she said, reaching out to take the books from my hands. Her hand grazed mine and a shock ran up my arm. She let out a small gasp and retracted her hand quickly, taking her books. "Bye, Edward," Bella said as she got up hastily. A shiver went up my spine when she said my name. She walked away towards her first period class before I could reply.

"Hey dork! Where'd you think you were going?" Jacob called from just a few feet behind me.

_Damn,_ I thought, sighing.

**(A/N)**

**If Mr. Halligan has come to _anybody's_ school could you please PM me and tell me what you remember of the things he said. I have a terrible memory and I want to make this story as close to Ryan's story as possible.**

**This story is the story I will be going to when I have writer's block. I'm sorry but this story is at the moment not my top priority. I have three other stories right now. I just had to get this one up.**

** I will be updating all my stories every two weeks now, due to homework and writer's block. Sorry.**


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N)**

**Hey sorry for no updates for over a month, but I did say that this was a side story and not my priority at the moment. It gives me more time to work on things and edit though.**

****IMPORTANT****

**I changed James to Jacob because me typing James was kind of an accident :). Sorry.**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.**

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Chp 2: AIM

EPOV

My head throbbed as I tried to concentrate on my teacher, who was droning on and on about permutations and combinations. It was the last day of school for crying out loud! Did he really have to review this material? We had already taken finals.

Mr. Varner either really hated his students or really loved math. Both options being torturous for his students. I blinked when the bell rang, signaling the end of the day. I automatically closed my notebook.

_Thank god, _I thought, gathering my books up and putting them into my backpack. I almost ran out of the school, which had been my prison for 180 days. I spotted my sister's car almost immediately and smiled. Rosalie got out of school 20 minutes earlier than I did and she had recently gotten her license so she usually picked me up after school. I don't know if she minded having to pick me up everyday. We had never really discussed it. I ran towards her car, eager to leave school behind.

Upon opening the door to the back seat I saw Rose in the passenger seat and Emmett Cullen, Rosalie's boyfriend, in the driver's seat. I blinked in surprise. Rosalie always drove her car. She had a passion for them and rarely ever let anyone else sit in the driver's seat.

"Hey, Rose. Hey, Emmett." I said, getting into the car. Rose turned around to me and smiled.

"Hey." She turned back around.

"Hey, Edward!" Emmett said loudly, in his normal cheerful tone as he drove out of the parking lot.

That reminded me.

"Why's Emmett driving today?" I asked Rose.

"Don't ask," Rosalie grumbled.

"She lost a bet yesterday and this was my prize," Emmett said looking proud of himself.

Rosalie sighed before turning her attention to me, "So how was school?"

I groaned, "Awful."

She turned around and looked at me, a slight fire in her eyes "Did Jacob bother you again today?" **(A/N Confused? You didn't read my A/N at the top. Shame.)**

I didn't need to say anything. She knew the answer from the look on my face. Her expression softened.

"It'll get better," she assured me, as she did nearly everyday. I sighed and looked out the window.

"Those guys are shallow nimrods, Edward!" Emmett said, "They'll see how cool you are." His cheery tone brightened my mood considerably. Emmett drove spastically and fast so we were already on my street.

Emmett pulled into our driveway and I grabbed my bag, ran to the house, and unlocked the door with the spare key.

"Hi Mom!" I called as I ran up the stairs and retreated to my room, as I did nearly every day after school. I set down my backpack and turned on my computer, tapping impatiently as the thing booted up. I opened up the internet and logged on to AIM.

Jasper was online.

Good.

Jasper Whitlock was a friend that I had had before I had moved to this god forsaken town. We had started talking once again on AIM sometime in the last year. He was the only one that I could really talk to about... life. He understood what it was like to be bullied and to be treated the way I was.

_Hey,_ I typed a message to him.

_School sucked ass,_ Jasper typed back.

_I'm just glad that I don't have to talk to them again for the summer,_ I typed out.

_You know, if you killed yourself you would really make them feel bad,_ Jasper responded. He had mentioned suicide before and though the idea was beginning to grow on me there were a few things holding me back and keeping me on Earth.

_I can't. It would kill my parents and my sister._

_I still think it's as good an out as any,_ Jasper replied. We talked for a while about how our days had gone for a while before he had to leave.

_I'm going to the Bahamas for the summer._

_Cool,_ I typed back. I'd never been to the Bahamas. The Whitlocks were a family of good fortune however and were able to go on trips often, _When do you leave?_

_Later today. I gotta go pack for the trip, _Jasper replied. This wasn't unusual to me. He was often ill prepared.

_Bye._

I looked at some other messages that I had gotten, and had been ignoring, over the course of the day.

_Queer._

_How are you fag?_

_Don't you people have anything better to do than insult me?_ I thought, bitterly. I scrolled through more and more insults, hating every one of them.

_Don't let them bother you man,_ Seth had messaged me. Seth Clearwater was one of my best friends along with Riley Biers and Benjamin Massri. He was always trying to get people to back off, even telling his older sister, Leah Clearwater, to lay off. He knew what people wrote t and about me on AIM. He could never understand why I had made an account and took the verbal abuse. He had tried to convince me to leave and delete my account multiple times with little success. Maybe I was a masochist.

I froze mid-breath when I came across a message that simply said, _Hey. _

It was from Bella. I blinked a couple times and stared at the screen. Suspiciousness crept into my mind and kept me from responding. What was she contacting _me_ for?

_I just wanted to say thanks for helping me pick up my books today._

That wasn't a sinister reason,not that I could see anyways, so I responded. _Well, I'm the one that bumped into you so...  
_

_It was still sweet of you,_ she replied. I smiled at the compliment then frowned.

I couldn't be happy over this. She was just saying that. I was setting myself up for pain.

Why was I doing this?

Why was I responding?

Yup. Definitely a masochist.

**(A/N)**

**There will be a shitload of characters introduced in this story in later chapters. Hope you liked it.**

****IMPORTANT****

**I changed James to Jacob.**


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N)**

**Sorry for the no updates I had a depressing end of March and the busiest April ever so... It's short. I'm sorry. I'll try to make them longer, but school is hell.**

**I never told you guys the year did I? Not this year the year in the story. In Ryan Hallighan's case, it was 2003 when this happened but I was a toddler in 2003 so i'm writing as if it were now. 2012 to be more exact but whatever. I hope this doesn't confuse anyone.**

**Yes I know ****almost no one uses AIM. So what? that's what Ryan used. **

**And now I'm contradicting myself. Whatever. Enjoy the story.**

**Just so you know my computer won't let me write email ****address in the story so I had to write it out.**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.**

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Chp 3: A Summer of Mischief

BPOV

I looked at the clock for the twentieth time in the past minute. _10 seconds._

I shoved all my books and schools tuff into my backpack. The shrill ring of the bell sounded.

"Come on, Bella!" Alice tugged on my arm not a second later and hauled me out of my seat. I laughed and grabbed my backpack before she pulled me completely out of the door.

Alice Brandon was a little ball of energy, with short spiky back hair and pixie-like features. She was my best friend and the most positive person that I knew.

We met up with Tanya outside.

Tanya Denali was the most popular girl in school. She had the prettiest strawberry blonde-hair and the face of a model. She adored me, though I didn't care for her much. She was more Alice's friend than mine, but she was nice enough. Towards me anyways.

"Alice! Bella!" Tanya waved to us when she spotted us. Leah and Jane were already there.

Leah Clearwater was of native american decent with jet black hair and tan skin. She knew everything that happened in the school and she that the contacts of every single person in the school on her phone.

Jane Volturi was the blond haired sister of Alec Volturi, friend of Jacob Black. And since Tanya liked Jacob and Alec and Jacob were friends, Jane got an automatic in to Tanya's group of friends, which was the only reason Tanya put up with her.

The one thing that everyone, excluding me, had in common? They were all loaded.

I was in the group because Alice and Tanya both loved me.

Leah was alright with me. Our dad's were childhood friends after all. We had practically grown up together.

Jane just tolerated me, but honestly she didn't really like anyone in our group but Tanya.

We were all going over to Tanya's house today as an end-of-school celebration. Her mom's mini van pulled up and we all piled into the car. Sasha was nice and allowed us to all do pretty much what ever we wanted. Tanya's older sister, Kate, was picking up her younger sister, Irina.

We chattered about our day, innocent things that we normally got out of the way when one of our parents were around. How class was. Our summer plans.

We'd get around to the real gossip and rumors later.

I didn't contribute to the gossip _that_ much. I did, however, like hearing it. It was fun to laugh about the latest retard at our school or which guy was crushing on which girl.

Tanya's house was big, especially compared to mine. The only person that had a bigger house in Forks, that I had seen, was Alice.

"Come on!" Alice nudged me when I didn't get out of the the car.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, grabbing my bag and hastily hopping out of her mom's car.

! #$%^&*()! #$%^&*()! #$%^&*()

Alice and I were sitting on Tanya's bed. Leah occupied one of the bean bag chairs on the floor. Jane was looking over Tanya's shoulder at the computer.

Tanya was on AIM. She was obsessed with it; spent every waking minute on it, I swear.

"So, Bella," she giggled, suddenly turning her chair around. "Spill."

"Spill, what?"

"This morning," Jane answered, "Didn't that nerd, the gay one, dump all your books onto the floor this morning?"

Edward Masen. I hadn't spoken to him before. He'd never seemed like a bad guy and he hadn't done anything to anyone. He had been gentlemanly this morning, picking up my books. He wasn't hard on the eyes at all, either. I really couldn't understand why he was bullied.

I had heard the gay rumors. Personally I thought it was just that.

A rumor. Especially after this morning, but you never know.

"You mean Edward," Alice corrected. She was the nicest to him out of all of us. She defended him often. I didn't. I never felt the need to.

"Nerd. Fag. _Edward_," Jane sneered the name, "Same thing."

Alice scowled at her unkindness.

"Hm..." I shrugged, "we bumped into each other, he said he was sorry, and then helped me pick up my books. He was... nice."

"Ugh. _Don't_ bring him up," Leah groaned, scowling. She hated that her younger brother, Seth, hung out with him. She said it lowered her social standing.

Seth Clearwater was probably one of the nicest guys I'd ever met. He was a year younger than us but he had skipped kindergarten, something that Leah wasn't too happy about.

Tanya ignored her, "_Nice?_ He's gay and stupid."

Alice's glare could not have been more hostile.

"I say we get him back for bumping into you like that," Jane suggested, a small smirk gracing her face.

Jane Volturi was one of the most -probably _the_ most- sadistic people I had ever met. She never passed up a chance to sabotage or harass someone. If it wasn't for the fact that it would crush her reputation -and her looks- she would probably fight everyone she came into contact with. Her icy blue eyes concealed a dark person underneath.

"By doing what?" Leah asked, sitting up a little.

"AIM."

"What?" I asked, not understanding.

"It's easy. Get him to like you on AIM," Jane instructed me, "and then find out all his secrets. We would have enough material to last us for years! It'll be hilarious! You won't even have to talk face-to-face"

Tanya was thoughtful. Was she considering this?

This was low, even for us. Edward was harmless. He was a nice guy, nicer than any of the other guys around here as far as I'd seen. As much as I hated defending people, I hated manipulation more.

"Jane, I don't-" I started. Tanya cut me off.

"That's... not... bad," Tanya said slowly.

"Tanya!" Alice gasped looking at her. Her eyes flickered to me.

My eyes met hers. She was leaving for the summer tomorrow, going to the Bahamas. She wouldn't be able to stop me from doing this. Alice was a force to reckon with. Had she been here all summer, I could say that she had kept me from doing it.

I had no way out.

"Tanya, I really don't think-" Alice was cut off.

"Come on!" Tanya interrupted, pulling me to her computer and shoving me into the seat. I stared at the screen that was telling me to log in to AIM.

Robotically, I moved my fingers and logged in. I'd treat this just like I treated other challenges that Tanya threw at me. With grace and nonchalance. I cleared my throat.

"His email?" I asked.

"Leah?"

"eamasen at gmail dot com," Leah answered. I opened a new chat and entered the email address into the box. I typed a simple message.

_Hey._

"That's so lame!" Tanya laughed. "Say something... I don't know more... interesting."

"Well," I retorted irritably, not looking away from the screen, "I've never talked to him before. What interesting thing am I supposed to say?"

He didn't reply so I wrote a longer message.

_I just wanted to say thanks for helping me pick up my books today._

I did want to thank him.

_Well, I'm the one that bumped into you so... _he responded

I fought a smile. A wittier response than I had expected. I had expected... I didn't know what I had expected.

_It was still sweet of you,_ I replied. I was being truthful. For now. That would all change in a while when I had to pretend to like him and e-flirt.

_Anyone would have done it_, he replied.

_Must you be so difficult? I'm trying to thank you, _I typed back. Was he being stubborn just to annoy me or what?

"So he's a stubborn idiot?" Tanya raised an eyebrow.

"He's modest and trying to be nice to someone he's never spoken to before," Alice chimed in, trying to hide the annoyed tone in her voice. Only I heard it.

_Well __you're welcome then, I guess. My sister is calling me down right now so bye._

_Bye._

"Nice... for an introduction. Forward me the convos you guys have okay?" Tanya confirmed.

I sighed.

"Sure."


	4. Chapter 4

**(A/N)**

**Not graphic, but contains disturbing themes (Rape).**

**I'm sorry I haven't updated lately. I used to be so good at this (juggling responsibilities I mean). The normal excuses (school, writer's block, etc.) apply.**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does. I am not Stephenie Meyer. If I were her I would write another book. I miss your books Stephenie! Write more!**

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Chp 4: How to say, "I love you"?

RPOV

I watched, sadly, as my brother ran out of my car. I always told him that it would get better. That high school was different and that no one would care by then.

He didn't believe me.

Emmett put his hand on my knee, trying to provide some comfort. I didn't stiffen when he touched me anymore. I'd grown used to it.

"He'll be okay," Emmett murmured to me in a voice that had comforted me so may times before.

He rarely let this show to the outside world. In someways I was glad that he wasn't _this_ soft and sweet towards me in public. I loved this. Knowing that only I_ really_ saw this part of him. In the 18 months that we had been together he had been the most caring person ever. He was protective and lively and spirited and humorous.

Of course he was still sweet and affectionate around people. We were rumored to be the happiest couple in the town. He was loud and playful in public. He wasn't serious. Not around others. He was serious when I needed it. He knew exactly when to be serious and when to be his goofy self. He was the only one that could truly cheer me up when I needed it and provided words of wisdom when advice was needed. He may have seemed and acted stupid but he was the brightest man I'd ever know.

I loved him.

And he still didn't know.

It was at the tip of my tongue and I opened my mouth to speak.

"Let's go inside," were the words that came out.

_Damn it._

He hadn't noticed that little battle I'd been having with myself the past few days. He'd seen me lose myself in thought before. Especially around now.

"Okay," he answered cheerily. He opened the car door and got out. I watched him as he walked around my car. A lips twitched as I almost smiled.

Almost.

I had become a good actress. Maybe too good.

I very rarely showed that something was wrong or off in any way.

He opened my door and I looked at his dark curly hair and dimpled smile. I couldn't help but smile back.

We at on the couch and turned on the TV. Neither of us really paid attention. My head was in his shoulder and his arm around mine.

"Edward's going into eighth grade next year," I muttered. "I don't know how much more he can take." Emmett was silent for a moment. Then he turned off the TV.

"Rosie, you can't fight his battles for him," Emmett reminded me.

"I know," I sighed. "I wish. Can you talk to him?"

"He's like my brother Rose. Family, remember? I'll talk to him. I don't know what exactly I'll say, but I'll talk to him," Emmett assured me.

"Thank you. Edward?" I called.

"Coming!" I heard faintly. A few moments later I heard the thudding of shoes on the stairs.

"Can we talk to you about school?" I asked. Edward froze for a moment. I took in the ok on his face. His green eyes wide and his hair more of a mess than it had been this morning. I wondered how horrible a day he'd had.

"How bad are the kids at school?" Emmett asked. Edward sighed and went to sit on the other couch.

"Compared to your experience or mine?" Edward muttered.

"Yours."

"Terrible," Edward sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair.

"_That_ rumor hasn't died down?" It was wrong to make fun of someone for being gay. Especially if the person actually was gay. Edward, however, was not.

"Still the talk of the town." His tone was bitter and loathing.

"One year," I reminded him.

"Five," he corrected.

"One. High school-" he cut me off.

"Is different. I know. You've told me so many times, I've lost count." He paused and shook his head before muttering, "I doubt it."

With that he stood and walked away. I watched him walk up stairs, more worried than I'd ever been.

! #$%^&*()! #$%^&*()! #$%^&*()

"Bye," I said, parking he car. His parents had wanted him home for dinner tonight for a charity function. His dad, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, was the most prestigious surgeon in he state. Maybe even the country. His mother, Esme Cullen, was the nicest woman that you'd ever meet. She was a second mother to me.

Our families got along beautifully.

"Bye," he responded. He kissed me softly before grabbing his bag and walking inside.

"I love you," I muttered. He wouldn't be able to hear me if he were standing right next to me. He waved and I waved back, watching him walk into his house before I left.

I pulled out of the driveway and drove back home, trying not to think while driving. I didn't want to be in a car crash.

When I finally did reach my house I parked and thought. I let my mind wander back, as I had wanted to all day, to the first time that Emmett and I had met.

_It had been a year since we had first moved in and my mom was thinking about redecorating. She'd stumbled across a local interior designer by the name of Esme Cullen and had phoned her __immediately. _

_Esme was a kind-hearted, gentle woman with caramel colored hair and brown eyes. She had an artistic eye and was the best interior __decorator within a fifty mile radius of this town.  
_

_She had immediately seen areas that would look better painted lighter or darker. We had asked for a modern, colorful look and she had more than delivered by the time that she was done decorating. The house had gone from beiges and browns to whites and blues and oranges and greens. It had been colorful and- I imagine- exactly what my mother had pictured. _

_While decorating my mom and Esme had become good friends, especially after my brother, Edward had to go to the emergency room when he fractured his wrist._

_Dr. Carlisle Cullen worked at the hospital, normally as a surgeon, but that day he had been covering for another doctor. My brother had fallen off his bike, trying to learn how to ride it. __(My brother had delayed development in physical coordination and in speech.)_

_He had fallen off of his bike and scraped both knees and fractured his wrist. _

_My dad and I had taken him to the emergency room, while mom was rushing back from the mall with my younger brother, James **(A/N Sorry it has to be James. I already have plans for all other characters possible for younger brother) **at the news of Edward falling off his bike. Carlisle had treated his wrist and recognized his last name._

_"Masen? As in Elizabeth Masen?" He had asked. My father had nodded, looking confused as to how he had known mom. "My wife, Esme," Carlisle started, seeing that he was confused, "redecorated your house a little while back. I believe that they are still friends."_

_"Ah, yes," My father had responded. "My wife had mentioned that we were to have dinner together sometime this week."_

_"Friday, I thought."_

_That Friday we had been formally introduced to the Cullens._

_"Esme!" My mom had __rejoiced, having not seen her for a week or so. _

_"Carlisle," my father greeted, shaking his hand. _

_"Carlisle. Esme. You know our oldest kids Edward and Rosalie. Esme knows our youngest. Carlisle, this is James." James was 7 months old and cheerful with blonde hair and blue eyes. _

_"He's adorable!" Esme smiled, "This is Emmett." _

_The boy she introduced us to was tall for his age with black curly hair and blue eyes that shone of mischief. I immediately knew that I wouldn't like him. Nevertheless, I was pleasant towards him. _

_I don't remember our first words, but I remember the result._

_Throughout the night, I ended up stomping on his foot and pouring my glass of water on him when he laughed. I remember being panicked when his mother asked why his hair was wet since he had hanged his shirt. _

_Imagine my confusion when he said, "I fell and it spilled."_

_My jaw had nearly dropped. I couldn't understand why the boisterous boy that I had poured water all over had covered for me. He smiled and winked at me._

I always brushed aside any of his efforts to flirt. I had turned him down more times than I could count. He was a guy and he was being a guy. I didn't warm up to him anymore. Not for another 3 years.

It was freshman year.

I had my first boyfriend, Royce King. He was sweet, doused me in flowers and affection.

He never partied, not like the others in our grade who went crazy with lust and passion every weekend.

We were happy.

One weekend his cousin and a few friends visited. They decided to throw a party amongst themselves.

They invited me.

I didn't drink, but they did. They got hammered.

What happened next has no words and never will.

I had been driven out somewhere afterwards. I had expected- hoped- to die.

Emmett found me. He had been running a quick trip to the store at his mother's request when he noticed a faint sparkle in an abandoned alley, just a few blocks away from the drunken guys that he had seen fooling around, one of which had been Royce.

"Rose?" Emmett had gasped when he found me. I didn't have any strength. I was unable to answer. He had called an ambulance and stayed with me the whole time, telling me that I'd be alright.

I was severely injured, one rib broken the other bruised (along with the rest of my body) and torn tissue. I'd even needed a transfusion. I was lucky that I would still be able to have children.

We filed a police report but nothing stuck. There wasn't enough evidence to convict them of anything. Add to that the fact that their parents were swearing that they hadn't heard anything. They had all gotten away without a scratch.

I retreated into myself afterwards. I never socialized, never went out. I was depressed. Royce had cornered me in the halls a few times. Emmett was always, without fail, there to save me.

Edward became extremely protective. He couldn't defend his self the way that I- that we all hoped- hoped, but he defended me.

The Cullens became a constant in my life, with Carlisle periodically checking to make sure that I was alright and Esme and my mother arranging dinners.

Emmett was the only one who wouldn't leave me alone, who talked to me like a normal person and joked with me. It almost felt nice, having someone around, knowing that I still meant something to someone. Emmett made me feel like I wasn't garbage that someone had thrown onto the floor, but rather a piece of art that had been shredded and he was the one trying to piece it back together.

I learned to trust him over time and somewhere along the way we started dating and I fell in love with him. But a deep-seated fear still lurked n my heart and kept me from saying what I wanted so badly to tell him.

I looked at my house for another minute and wiped away a tear before getting out of my car.

* * *

**(A/N)**

**I may have just used this chapter as a... protest?... acknowledgment? (sort of) to the ignorance of the traumatic experience of being raped. People, authorities mainly, have been treating rape like it is no big deal lately.**

**I'm hoping that no one reading this feels like it isn't (No offense. I do not think so little of you as to think that you all are okay with rape). **

**I just wanted to vent, but I didn't want a separate fanfiction to do it. I felt this could associate with bullying in someways (abuse). I hope that the people that raped others will be punished harshly one day and I hope that the people on the abused end will be able to work their way past it one day. **


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N)**

**Yeah, sorry I suck at updating. I hope to get more of these out faster. I have no time, even during the summer.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. Obviously. Why would I be on this website if I was Stephenie Meyer?**

* * *

Chp 5: A sad song

EPOV

It was strange to have someone that you were invisible to, someone that you had noticed, talk to you for the first time.

I had been a bit snippy with Rose before. I felt bad, knowing that I had snapped at her while she only cared about me. But, as much as I loved her, she had interrupted one of the best moments of my life.

Bella Swan had talked to me for the first time since I had seen her. And she had thanked me for picking up her books.

My mother had raised me to be courteous, even if I was an uncoordinated klutz. She said that it was a redeeming quality that not many people had nowadays. I don't think that I had ever been so glad that my mother had raised me that way.

I sat up, feeling like a love-sick fool. But right now I was, wasn't I? I wouldn't gush my feelings like a spewing river to the entirety of the world, but I would sit and think it over.

I sat at my computer, looking at the brief conversation that I'd had with her. A warm feeling lit up in my stomach. I played around for a while until I found out how to save the conversation. I felt like a sap, but I'd been pining after her for years. I felt that I should remember my first conversation with her in more than words.

_Hi,_ a message popped up a few minutes after I'd hit save. It was Bella again.

She was talking to me _agin?_ Was I in an alternate universe?

_Hi. If, you don't mind my asking, why are you talking to me?_

For a few minutes no reply came. Then she typed_, __Because I've heard things about you that I don't believe. I think you're nice and that you're worth getting to know._

I furrowed my eyebrows and locked my jaw. That was one of the nicest things that anyone outside my family had said to me. Why was _she_ of all people saying it, and to _me_ no less?_  
_

_Thank you, _I typed back to her, not knowing what else to say. What did you say to someone that you've had a crush on for a few years?

_So, what are your plans for the summer?_ she asked. It was generic question. Good. Not an overly personal inquiry._  
_

_Staying around here, reading, and playing music_, I sent impulsively. I cringed afterwards, realizing that I had just revealed that I played. I never really talked about it. I practiced on a heavy electric keyboard with headphones in and played and electric guitar with out an amp. I didn't like to let people hear what i was playing.

Her response came quickly,_ you play? What? _

I sighed. I may as well just tell her, _Piano and guitar._

_Cool. I've taken lessons so many times for a million different instruments and I failed at most of them. The only one that I could play was cello. I quit though._

_Did you like playing?_

_Yes._

I frowned, _Then why'd you stop?_

Her response came later,_ My parents listed some pros and cons and the cons won (it was to heavy and bulky and expensive). They suggested the violin, but that wasn't the same, so I gave up. So how long have you been playing?_

_Since I was five. I don't take lessons anymore though._

"Edward!" Seth yelled from downstairs. What?

"I'm up here!"

He ran upstairs and I opened my door for him.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"You invited me over to play video games remember?"

I blinked. I had said that.

Seth looked over my shoulder. "Who are you IMing?"

"None of your business," I said glaring. He walked past me to m computer and looked at the screen.

"Your talking to Bella?" Seth asked turning around. I shrugged.

"She sent me a message after school."

"You know she's over at Tanya's right now right?" Seth said.

"She is?"

"Yeah gimme a second," he texted his sister.

_Hey who's over there with you?_

_Tanya and Jane._

_What about Bella?_

_She went home. She felt sick. Why do you care?_

_Mom wanted to know._

"Well then, she was over there when you first started talking to her," Seth said. I looked at the computer again.

_Why?_ Bella had asked

_Edward?_ she'd typed when I hadn't responded.

_Edward?_

_Are you there?_

I typed quickly.

_I'm sorry. I have to go. Something came up. Bye_.

I logged off quickly and turn off my computer. I turned around to Seth.

"Is Riley playing?"

! #$%^&*()! #$%^&*()

My mom poked her head into the living room, where Seth and I were killing zombies.

"Are you staying for dinner, Seth?" she asked. Seth paused the game, turned, and smiled at her.

"That'd be great! Thanks!" Seth said cheerily. I elbowed him and shot him a look that said,_ call your mom._

"Relax, she knows," Seth said, turning back to the game. I scowled and went back to playing.

Rosalie had talked to us about the summer during dinner, trying to start a conversation. Seth had answered cheerily about his plan that consisted of a job with his dad and playing video games. I pushed the food around on my plate, not very hungry. It seemed that I wasn't ever very hungry anymore, a fact which i believed worried my parents. My dad had eyed me in a way that said, _eat._ I had eaten a bit more than I normally did but it made me feel sick later. After dinner Seth left, telling me what he told me so often. "Ignore them."

I went back up to my room and looked at my closet. I had tried to avoid playing, not wanting to channel so much sorrow into something I loved. As much I wanted to avoid it, my feet moved of their own accord and I groaned in defeat and scowled as I dug around in my closet for my electric keyboard. When I finally moved that giant heap of clothing that was strewn all over my keyboard, I managed to drag it out of my closet. I grunted under the weight of the weighted keys and heavy plastic chassis and managed to lift it onto my bed. I turned around and plugged it in, before looking around for my headphones.

I nodded in satisfaction when I found them and plugged them in. I sat on my bed playing chords for a while. Why had I gotten this out? I toyed around aimlessly with some melodies for a while, playing snippets of random songs and such.

I looked at my nightstand, where a book of compositions sat. I had started toying with writing songs when I was little. Songs about rain and playing in mud. Stupid stuff. I'd stopped writing for a while, knowing that the only songs I'd write now would be sad. And I didn't want to channel my sadness into a source of joy in my life, though I didn't get much joy from it now I found.

Maybe if I did use this as an outlet, I would find joy in it again. I scoffed at my thoughts. I sounded like the therapist that I'd tried so actively to avoid. I played for a while longer before starting to play a melody that had been running through my head for the last couple days on paper. I'd tried not to do it because it was a sad melody, not one meant for an instrument as graceful as the piano.

When I played it, the melody that encapsulated my feelings of dread and hopelessness, I almost felt...

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**(A/N)**

**The last word there is open to interpretation. Insert whatever you want or leave it like that. It doesn't really matter as long as the feeling inserted is somewhat positive. **

**See you the next time I update. to any of you reading Short of Eternity:**

**That's gonna take a while. Just... I can't... CURSE YOU, WRITER'S BLOCK!**


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